So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
