Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
