its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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