It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
