Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
