I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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