I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You ruined the universe
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Never underestimate the power of titties
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
