I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
