Porn is love you can see.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize