but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize