She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
