I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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