so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
There are leaves in my underwear?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
