But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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