I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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