YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Randomize
