Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
