Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I cut my penus on the lid.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
