I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
