eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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