i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
