True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
