Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
