you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
