I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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