Whod you bang
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
