Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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