:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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