Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
