Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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