I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
