honey bunches of taint.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I got inside last night via doggy door
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
