True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
