Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
