At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
