i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
