Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
