but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
