I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
