if only i could text you this smell
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
In other news, I just burned my penis
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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