May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
