a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize