bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
