12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
