I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
