she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize