6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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