what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
