I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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