There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
