just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Use "feeling words"
Yay
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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