My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
