I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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