Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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