she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
