i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
