Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
is it fun? or sober?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
