my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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