just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Fuck appropriateness.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
