Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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