you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize