last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize