I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
