Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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