people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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