pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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