grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
