Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
