Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I looked at my own cervix.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
