You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
