I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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