i'm signing you up for texting rehab
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
