Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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