no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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