I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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