I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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