Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
