I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
