Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
